Last night I was thinking of the ol’ question, “What came first?” People have debated for generations whether it was the chicken or the egg. When it comes to familial relationships though, there is no denying that there has to be PARENTS before there can be CHILDREN.
Now let me say one of my greatest joys in life is to provide for my kids. As parents, our children NEED us! They need our love, attention, care, time, protection, and oh yes… our money! (I wish I would have bought stock in a formula company before I had kids!) And children don’t need to ask for these resources. By their very nature, helpless as they are at first, they DEMAND it! And by our nature, as parents, we want to do all we can to take care of them. This is all part of God’s plan!
What happens too often though is parent’s end up giving ALL their ancillary resources (extra time, energy, love, attention, and care) to their children and neglect their spouse. Our kids demand our attention, but our spouse should never have to!
What it boils down to is this… There was an US, before there was a THEM!
What do I mean!?! There was an ‘Evie and Phil’ before Blake and Anna Brooke were ever thought of. That may sound mean spirited, but I promise… IT’S NOT! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my kids! I’ve been working in kids ministry for over 13 years, and I LOVE my kids more than any other kids on the planet. But, my marriage came first. I can’t allow my kids’ needs, or more importantly their perceived needs (otherwise called wants) to consume my life in such a way that I neglect the needs of my wife. I have to continue to pursue her!
Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives,
exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting.
– Ephesians 5:25, The Message
Additionally, my kids will one day grow up. As their dad, a primary part of my job is to prepare them to leave my home and start their own. When that day comes, it will be back to me & Evie, and hopefully our relationship will be as strong as ever!
So to answer the ol’ question… THE CHICKENS CAME FIRST! Now that’s not to say parent’s are chicken! It takes tremendous courage to raise kids in today’s culture. But caving into our kids every whim at the expense of our own marriage… now that is a cowardly thing to do!
I love you, babe.
Looking forward to date night.
Evie
Love it. So true. It’s so easy to get caught up in the daily cycle of “life” with kids and their needs…..this was a good reminder to me to put “me and Marty” 1st. It’s so important for the kids to see us have a strong marriage too! Thanks, Phil. ~Amy
I feel like I’ve had this conversation before! You’re great (male)BFF 😉
That’s why we have a dog. 😛
Very informative posts, love the look of you site.
Good stuff.
Now everyone is talking about the American economy and eclections, nice to read something different. Eugene
AWESOME Post!!!!! I love it and whole heartedly agree. I love my man…..love my kids too, but the marriage has to be first. Thanks for the great read! Love ya’ll! We miss you too. Have a good weekend with Tony, Amy and fam. 🙂
Excellent post and wise words. Unfortunately, I’ve seen and experienced what happens when this ISN’T done….