Like most boys growing up in the South, I had my share of bodily injuries.
At around 11, I busted my finger open on an automatic wood splitter. That hydraulic jack squeezed down onto the tip of my finger and it popped like a zit that had been maturing for a week. When I was 9, I broke both my wrists driving a bicycle over a 15 foot cliff. I had to wear casts on both arms for six weeks. Later that year, my brother even shot me at close range in the stomach with a high powered fire-arm. Well… that may be a bit of an exaggeration… it was actually an air pump bee bee gun from more than 50 yards away. It was a pretty good shot though!
Well last week I suffered another injury. After visiting the doctor this morning I discovered I have a ripped muscle on my ribs. This internal damage could take up to 6 weeks to heal, but I think the worst of the pain may be behind me.
The embarrassing part is how it happened. There were no power tools or hand guns. I didn’t even wreck my scooter. Nope, nothing that ‘manly’.
No, this ripped muscle occurred while I was changing sheets on a bunk bed. I know… pathetic! I was reaching for the corner of the top bunk and leaned too hard into the railing. I somehow pushed into the railing at just the right place to rip my muscle off of the bone.
Pretty painful injury, but I can’t think of a more ‘civilized’ way for it to happen. And with it being the eve of my 36th birthday, all I can say is… I’m not the boy I used to be!
So tomorrow I’m going to buy a gun and shoot something! Anything! I’m bringing the boy back!! 
Phil – I think after your episode we should get all the guys to list injuries to see who is the most busted up…heres my attempt.
broke both ankles playing soccer.
dislocated little toes on the back of a flip flop.
water on the knee, legs in plaster six times due to osgood slatters disease.
smashed out a front tooth playing soccer when I collided with a chopper bike at the side of the field.
smashed out the front tooth next to it when a suspended ceiling fell on my face.
broke my index finger on the tennis court – I was goofing around on a collapsable walker meant for a disabled person with a prosthetic leg and fell head over heels.(this is all so crazy it must be true).
had a severe earache when I was a kid – I was prodding the eardrum and pulled out a wasp that had clambered inside my ear when I was asleep, stung my inner ear, and died.
anyway – hope I didnt make you laugh cos it might hurt. Oh, I severely bruised my ribs so I know how you feel, but I can’t remember how I did it.
miss you and the fam.
I hope we can be BFFs after saying that this made me laugh. Sorry you’re in pain though!
I guess this is a “better” (less painful) injury than a cracked rib. And at least it’s not something gross like an in-grown toenail–now that would really make for an uncomfortable birthday.
You can go to the shooting range with A.
Looking forward to celebrating your birthday tomorrow.
Love you, babe.
In high school, I pulled my shoulder muscle reaching over my backpack. Not as painful but just as pathetic.
Four months after Steve and I married, I stepped on a pigmy rattlesnake and was bit twice.
You will come to understand that “old age” is not for the faint of heart or body! Lol!
Here’s something to make you laugh: after age 40, I broke my right foot talking on the telephone (long story) THEN a year later broke it in the same spot again while changing clothes. This took serious talent to do in the same place twice! Lol!
The doctor said to lie about how I broke my foot – it would sound more convincing.
At a soon to be 34, if I even sleep wrong now I am in pain for a few weeks. Remember when we used to think older people were crazy saying that they take longer to heal or that their joints were aching due to the change in weather. I’m starting to realize the factuality of those statements.
Age gracefully my friend and take care of that injury.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Dave: Once again you prove what I already knew… you need help!
Dana: So glad to bring some humor into your life today!
Micah: When it comes to the pain, the good doctor actually said he’d prefer a cracked rib. OUCH!! That hurt my feelings!
Evie: Looking forward to breakfast with you! Perfect way to start my day!
Steph & Babara: Glad to know I’m not alone in the pathetic, but humorous, club.
Gene: Great to hear from you ‘old’ friend. Thanks for the birthday wishes!
Well, I just told you my neck problem if I sleep wrong…like Gene. Broke my right arm completely in half jumping ramps on a bmx bike when I was 12 or 13. Looked like I had 2 elbows. Busted my head open by falling and hitting the gym bleachers in the 4th grade requiring stitches after leaving a trail of blood from the gym to the school office. My latest injury? Busting my shin on the edge of the bed.
Happy Birthday bud. Welcome to the 3-6.
OUCH!! That was graphic… ribs digging into the railing and ripping the muscle from the bone. I hope it doesn’t hurt as bad as it sounds.
Happy Birthday! We love you!
A
Well, let me just tell you how very excited I was to read about HOW you injured yourself….you changing/making the bed! What a nice, helpful husband!!!
Good job! As for the injury…sorry about your luck. Happy healing….:)
~Amy
I know Randy doesn’t read this thing so I’ll say it for him… YOU BIG WUSS.
Happy Birthday you old codger!
And just for the record… I think I pulled something just sitting here reading your blog.
Oh, dear — what a very embarrassing injury. You really have to come up with a better story to explain it … something like reaching too far out of a boat to save a drowning person.
I shouldn’t talk, though, having fallen downstairs recently after wondering whether I could lift my leg parallel with my balustrade, as I used to be able to do when I was taking dance training. The answer? Nope, I sure can’t. And falling downstairs hurts. A lot.
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